Angry Elf

If you happen to note the date and time of my last blog, it was almost exactly a week ago, almost down to the hour. And once again, I find myself in the pit of despair (pause for hacking albino cough), or the library. Once again, I find myself completely incapable of writing the papers that I really need to write. Something about 6:00 on Friday nights is just not my thing. And there are kids rolling down the hill outside the library and I really want to join them.

I won't bore you with another post lamenting my choice of majors (though the last post did elicit some interesting responses from both my mother and a beloved aunt and their study habits- I think I follow after my aunt who allegedly stared at the wall, knowing she had to write a paper, but putting off the actual writing for as long as possible- I can sooo relate), but just know that I am standing by my retraction. I will, however, bore you with a story about an "angry elf" moment I had.

I don't get angry too often, but it happened to me TWICE this week. One was just like a small anger thing, more like an irritation that made me rehearse angry diatribes in my head (and maybe rant a little to my class buddies-who I might be ditching class with at some point to get breakfast instead... we are feeling a little rebellious) directed at a certain professor and his methods and his condescending tones. The other, the subject of this post, led me to actually excoriate someone-they probably didn't feel the sting of my words, but my eyes just backed the message up. OK, so I didn't actually excoriate them, no verbal lambasting did happen, but I wanted to a little bit....

It was a beautiful day, Thursday to be precise. The weather was perfect, Shamrock Shakes were on the horizon and we had a fun evening of roommate-bonding time planned. Roommate-bonding in the form of a flag football game, intramural style.

We showed up to the field and were blinded by the neon-ness of our opponent's jerseys. Once we had recovered our vision, we could see the QB had a play wristband. Amused? Yes. Intimidated? A little. Game on.

So, I think not-so-deep-down I am a fairly competitive person, though I have tried to suppress that particular tendency in the more recent years of my life. My competition these days usually comes in the form of tests or papers, and that works out well. This was my second game of the season and the first game I managed to maintain my dignity, but I also didn't quite manage to ignite the competitive flame, I was still just playing for pure "fun." Maybe that was just because we beat them the last game pretty solidly. This game changed all that.

We were getting owned. I was feeling the sting of a personal failure as I failed to block a touchdown pass, and I think we were all feeling the sting of our failure to get the necessary yardage and corresponding pointage.

We were feeling a little low when the neon's QB connected with a receiver who took off down the field. A receiver who didn't have flags. The NERVE! The insolence! The audacity! The unmitigated gall! (Name that movie!). So of course, my teammates who tried to grab her flags became confused as she DIDN'T have any. And just to clarify, they didn't fall off while she was running, she STARTED with them off. For reals. So she got through two teammates who both tried to grab for her non-existent flags and then made it to the end zone where she started celebrating obnoxiously. My teammates, of course, were trying to point out to the ref that she didn't have flags for us to pull, but the ref was a newbie and trying to insist that we were supposed to one-hand touch her.

This is maybe when I lost my temper a wee bit and I wish I had said something a little more biting, or witty or something, but alas... it's like in "You've Got Mail" when she talks about how she can never think of the right things to say in the moment... Anyway, I started talking back to the ref a little bit, pulled something like "How are we supposed to know that?! You can't tell us that AFTER it has already happened!" To which the ref responded, "You should have read the rulebook." SERIOUSLY?? Seriously! Another teammate slyly asked then if we could just "choose not to wear flags?" Then the other ref stepped in and called it, finally, and the girl was penalized for not wearing flags. But by this time we were losing, the blonde ref was on my bad side, and the QB was on an even worse side. (and PS- looked up the "rulebook" on the intramural website and you have to check out the "rulebook" from the intramural office- there is no way ANYBODY checks that out. They're havin a laugh.)

Winning seemed to be a little beyond our reach at this point, unless of course we were going to go all BYU basketball comeback on their behinds... But at the very least, I wanted the QB's flags. I wanted to take her down. I would settle for "accidentally" taking the ref too. Just kidding... From that point on, rushing was my domain. Cue Coach Yoast yelling," I don't want them to gain another yard! You blitz all night..." great speech, one of Yoast's best moments, in my opinion.

I am happy to say that they did not get another touchdown. And though I did not get the much-desired sack, I got pretty dang close -one time her flag was in my hand as she released the ball, I was just a tiny bit too slow- and I would like to think I put some good pressure on... but we still lost.

There were some positives to the situation, though. The first being that for the first time in months, maybe longer, I was actually a little fired up and the competitive juices were flowing and I actually CARED about winning, or not losing by even more as the case may be. (Think Grinch- and I care- what is the deal?!). The second- we got our Shamrock Shakes. We waited for those like ALL day. And though it pains me to admit it, they weren't quite as good as we had built them up to be. But the idea of Shamrock Shakes was still beautiful, even if the slightly toothpastey-mint taste wasn't.

All was not lost, even if the game was. But, I really did have fun and sometimes it is a little fun to get a lil' riled up over inconsequential things, let the inner monster out for a some play time...

I also might have accidentally-on-purpose tried to trip the ref. kind of. Not for real, but maybe kind of for real. Also, this is unrelated, but one girl on my team grabbed for a flag and grabbed the girl's pants instead and ripped them. So quality. I am so ready for my next game. I am not, however, ready for any of my papers.

PS- when we had the COOLEST Shakespeare class ever this week and if I ever stop hating my major again I might blog about it. But I just can't do it at the present time.

The Retraction

Sometimes I use blogging as a procrastination method. And when I say sometimes, I really mean usually. I pretend like I am using it for a "warm-up" or to help "unclutter my mind," basically I can come up with reasons (euphemism for "excuse") all day for why at that particular time I just really NEEDED to blog. The devil made me do it? Ok, fine I will take the ruler to my palm later, because I need my hand right now for typing.

Obviously tonight I am still procrastinating, which I guess could be considered a cause for concern or whatever, but what REALLY is disconcerting is the fact that I have absolutely NOTHING to say about ANYTHING to ANYONE. For realsies. I usually write in my journal before a paper to "unfetter" my mind, but this is what my journal entry looked like...

Friday, March 9, 2012

I am not even yoking with you (and no that wasn't a typo, the "y" was intentional, so pronounce it that way). There was nothing that I wanted to express with words- nothing except a vast emptiness where my words usually reside. Are you concerned now? Cuz I am!

It all started about a month or two ago... There was this paper. This really unfortunate paper. With no due date. And not just one of these papers, but three. Sounds like a dream come true, yes? Think again. Now, maybe this is just an indication of the fact that I am a lousy student (or perhaps an indication that school is just really busy and you can always find something else with a higher priority attached), but I should be finishing my second paper up this weekend. But I am not. In fact, I haven't done the second because I haven't even finished the first. (I just pictured a room full of people giving me the thumbs-down sign and it was really sad, but I couldn't help but feel that it was deserved). Yay me.

So with these papers looming over my head, taunting me, reminding me that I should have already written them, hissing through my dreams- I find myself retreating from them (think ramming speed only if Charlton Heston were pansying out majorly). My ability (which wasn't that substantial in the first place) becomes more and more crippled with the passing of time and I am starting to worry that any minute now sentence fragments will be. too. much. for. me. (Get it?! Sentence fragments! bahaha!).

But tonight, all of that was going to change. I was going to show the first paper what is up. It was not to be. I dutifully confined myself to the dungeon that is the library and gathered my research materials, claimed my table (oh yes, MY table- refer to blog "Knockout Punch" from last September), and sat down to change the world with my highly intelligent and unique paper. Fingers hovering over the keyboard, I tried to think of an opening and this is what I got.

.........................................................................................

Yep. I am doomed. And then I reverted to my usual procrastination technique of blogging to avoid writing what I really need to write. Maybe I will just write a novel instead. Short story? Epic poem?

I know I recently blogged about how much I LOVE being an English major because Shakespeare has swagger (PS- he totally invented that word. So legit) and Tennyson makes my heart sing. Well, consider this my retraction. Maybe just a temporary retraction, but as of right now, my major has fallen out of my favor, or rather, I have fallen out of favor with my major. Bummer.