Obviously tonight I am still procrastinating, which I guess could be considered a cause for concern or whatever, but what REALLY is disconcerting is the fact that I have absolutely NOTHING to say about ANYTHING to ANYONE. For realsies. I usually write in my journal before a paper to "unfetter" my mind, but this is what my journal entry looked like...
Friday, March 9, 2012
I am not even yoking with you (and no that wasn't a typo, the "y" was intentional, so pronounce it that way). There was nothing that I wanted to express with words- nothing except a vast emptiness where my words usually reside. Are you concerned now? Cuz I am!
It all started about a month or two ago... There was this paper. This really unfortunate paper. With no due date. And not just one of these papers, but three. Sounds like a dream come true, yes? Think again. Now, maybe this is just an indication of the fact that I am a lousy student (or perhaps an indication that school is just really busy and you can always find something else with a higher priority attached), but I should be finishing my second paper up this weekend. But I am not. In fact, I haven't done the second because I haven't even finished the first. (I just pictured a room full of people giving me the thumbs-down sign and it was really sad, but I couldn't help but feel that it was deserved). Yay me.
So with these papers looming over my head, taunting me, reminding me that I should have already written them, hissing through my dreams- I find myself retreating from them (think ramming speed only if Charlton Heston were pansying out majorly). My ability (which wasn't that substantial in the first place) becomes more and more crippled with the passing of time and I am starting to worry that any minute now sentence fragments will be. too. much. for. me. (Get it?! Sentence fragments! bahaha!).
But tonight, all of that was going to change. I was going to show the first paper what is up. It was not to be. I dutifully confined myself to the dungeon that is the library and gathered my research materials, claimed my table (oh yes, MY table- refer to blog "Knockout Punch" from last September), and sat down to change the world with my highly intelligent and unique paper. Fingers hovering over the keyboard, I tried to think of an opening and this is what I got.
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Yep. I am doomed. And then I reverted to my usual procrastination technique of blogging to avoid writing what I really need to write. Maybe I will just write a novel instead. Short story? Epic poem?
I know I recently blogged about how much I LOVE being an English major because Shakespeare has swagger (PS- he totally invented that word. So legit) and Tennyson makes my heart sing. Well, consider this my retraction. Maybe just a temporary retraction, but as of right now, my major has fallen out of my favor, or rather, I have fallen out of favor with my major. Bummer.
Ah Tara, thanks for taking me down the memory lane that I have suppressed. Ask your mom, she has better memories of me in a similar situation than I do (refer to previous comment - suppression). A few thoughts come to mind..."What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...and then there's D&C 14:7 (don't be impressed, that's the only scripture I can quote, endure has a whole new meaning, huh?). Go ahead, pick apart my patterns of speech, grammar, punctuation, etc. It's what we English types do. Hang on. In a few short months you will be eating to die for pasta and we will all be jealous.
ReplyDeleteoh Kir, I could tell her stories about your procrastination methods. Mine were much less obvious, I answered school stress with just another reason to leave the apartment and "go out." While I will have life long memories of you on the couch, sitting, staring at the wall and saying over and over again, "I have a paper to write." And coming home 4 hours later with you sitting, staring at the wall and saying over and over again, "I have a paper to write." And since we did not have laptop computers, there was no chance that paper was getting done sitting on the couch staring at the wall! So funny!
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